Friday, August 31, 2012

Hide and Seek


Friday 8/31/2012 6:50 AM
This morning I read John 12:20-36, where Jesus predicts his death.  Verse 36 ends with these words, “When he had finished speaking, Jesus left and hid himself.”  I know there are times in the Bible where it says that Jesus went away to have some alone time praying.  But this seems more like he was trying to avoid people, perhaps because he was afraid of being arrested prematurely.  But when I read the verse I wondered if there are times when Jesus hides himself from his disciples intentionally.
When Jesus ascended to heaven he promised his disciples that he would be with them always, to the end of the age.  But being with someone and having them be aware of your presence are two different things.  I remember when my children were younger I always encouraged them to stay close by either mom or dad when we went to a store or to the park.  But, as kids are wont to do, they often wandered away, distracted by something more interesting.  If we were in a store I would sometimes follow them while hiding behind a large display so they couldn’t see me.  Eventually they would realize that neither mom nor dad was within sight and they would begin to panic.  Then I would walk around the corner and have a little discussion with them about the importance of staying close.
Does God do the same thing with me?  He encourages me to maintain an intimate relationship with him but too often I wander away, distracted by the glitz and glamor, fame and fortune portrayed by our consumerist society.  Does God take a step back and hide himself from me, allowing me to experience the panic of living apart from him for the purpose of teaching me the importance of staying close?  I think it is possible that he does.  The real question is will I learn the lesson?

Sunday, August 19, 2012

A Fulfilled Life


Sunday 8/19/2012 7:26 AM
Tomorrow is the first day of my fall semester.  My classes are all set and ready but, as usual, I have a nervous feeling inside that has been my constant companion at the beginning of each semester throughout the years.  When I first began teaching the uneasiness was generated primarily by doubt in my teaching ability, could I adequately fulfill the responsibilities of my job and explain the topics I would teach in a way the students could understand.  Thirty-five years of experience has given me confidence in my teaching ability, so that is no longer the source of my anxiety.  Now I am more aware of the brokenness and pain that many of my students experience regularly.  I wonder how many of them will enter my classroom, isolated, lonely and devoid of hope.  All of my students could benefit from knowing that God loves them, that he cares about them and that he wants them to live their lives fully.  But too many of them have warped images of who God is and who his people are from personal experience or from the portrayal of God and Christians in modern media.  I want them to see an example of a fulfilled life, lived in harmony with God and people with the support of a loving community.  I pray regularly that I can be that kind of example for my students, showing them that it is possible to live that way in the real world.
Part of my assigned reading includes Psalm 106:4-5.  When I read it today I imagined that it was a prayer of someone outside the family of God who wants to be a part of it all, perhaps one of my students who is praying when they see my fulfilled life lived before them.  “Remember me, Lord, when you show favor to your people, come to my aid when you save them, that I may enjoy the prosperity of your chosen ones, that I may share in the joy of your nation and join your inheritance in giving praise.”  Too often we, in the Christian community, try to evangelize by telling people they are going to hell when they die and that, if they repent, someday they will end up in heaven instead.  In reality, when one repents from sin their life is changed now, not just in the sweet by and by.  The pain and brokenness of people’s lives doesn’t disappear but it can be faced with the help of a loving God and caring community instead of having to face everything alone.  That is what I want for my students but I am uncertain about how best to communicate that to them in the context and confines of my math classroom.
The opening and closing prayers of my devotional book seem perfect for me as I begin my new semester.  “Almighty God, who always moves with clarity of will and singleness of purpose, help me to live and work with certainty in an uncertain world.  Light a lamp before me so that my feet do not stumble.  Make my path clear so I may never wander from your chosen way.  Send me, Lord, as an evangel of hope and security to those whose paths will cross with mine this day.”

Friday, August 17, 2012

Aeration



Wednesday 8/8/2012 5:11 AM
My lawn is made of Bermuda grass.  It is very invasive and is known by some as devil grass because of its tendency to take over any lawn in which it establishes a foothold.  While it is difficult to keep the grass from invading my flowerbeds I love it because it is hard to kill and it can be cut to make it look like a carpet or a putting green.  During the winter it goes dormant above the ground, turning brown during cold weather and short days, but the tubers under the ground continue to grow providing healthy roots during its resurgence in the spring.
During the growing season I water and fertilize it regularly and cut it at least once per week to maintain the pristine look I like.  Over time the grass builds up a thick thatch that needs to be stripped off and I also spend time walking on the lawn with spiked shoes to aerate the soil.  Over time the spiked shoes are no longer effective because of the thinness of the spikes and then I aerate it by removing a core of soil and grass, allowing the water and nutrients to reach the roots and providing space underground for the roots to grow.  This process leaves cores of soil littering my lawn like little turds and often brings comments from my family and neighbors about how I have ruined my beautiful lawn.  If I didn’t aerate my lawn it would grow so thick that the water and nutrients needed for healthy growth would be unable to reach the roots, causing it to die.  In the long run, a temporary setback leads to a prolonged benefit.
This morning I wondered if God sees my life like I see my lawn.  God regularly cares for me like I water and fertilize my lawn.  He sends his Spirit to mold me into the image of Christ, cutting away the things that are not needed and giving special care to the areas that detract.  Eventually my life begins to show the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, etc.  Unfortunately, I soon become consumed with maintaining the image of a good Christian so I attend church regularly, join or possibly lead a Bible study, become an elder or deacon in the church, go on mission trips, participate in service projects, and so on.  Eventually I become so busy doing things for God that I no longer have time to cultivate my relationship with God and those things that others see as good, Christian activity become thatch that cuts off the nourishing care that God regularly provides for my growth.  Then God, the ever-vigilant gardener, takes out his aerator and pokes holes in the thatch of my life.  From my perspective and to those around me my façade is broken and my life is littered with the debris of my pride.  From God’s perspective he is making my life a more vibrant witness that is more deeply rooted in him.
In her book Words to Love By, Mother Teresa says it this way, “Suffering – pain, humiliation, sickness and failure – is but a kiss of Jesus.”  Proverbs 3:11-12 describes it like this, “My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.”  I usually become discouraged when my life doesn’t seem to be going the way I want it to go.  Perhaps God is poking holes in my pride making room for further growth.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Fingernail Clipping


Wednesday 8/15/2012 6:07 AM
I went for my regular early morning run today and as I turned eastward I noticed the moon, hanging in the eastern sky like a fingernail clipping.  It was difficult to see because of the thinness of the crescent but also because the lightening sky was washing out its meager reflection of the sun’s rays.
The thought of a fingernail sent my mind wandering and eventually conjured up the image of a cartoon character hanging on to a ledge by its fingernails, struggling to hang on but recognizing the futility of its effort and the inevitability of a fall.  A voice inside my head told me that the fragile, waning moon pretty accurately describes my faith life at the moment, trying to hang on to God and reflect him in the world while slowly fading away, washed out by the wider world around me.
As I continued running the Spirit reminded me that the devil feels the same way, like he’s hanging on by his fingernails.  He has had his way in the world for a long time, masquerading as an angel of light, but he has been defeated and the kingdom of God is now forcefully advancing, so much so that the gates of hell will not be able to withstand it.  As G. F. Handel states in The Hallelujah Chorus, “The kingdom of this world is become the kingdom of our Lord, and of his Christ.”
While my attempts to reflect the love and nature of God in the world may seem feeble and insignificant to me and to others around me, nevertheless, God uses them to bring about his kingdom.  Why God chooses to use imperfect people to bring about his will is a mystery to me but thank God, his kingdom will come regardless.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Gentleness and Respect


Saturday 8/4/2012 7:31 AM
A few weeks ago Don Cathy, the president of Chick-fil-A®, created a firestorm when he voiced his opposition to gay marriage in an interview.  This past Wednesday Mike Huckabee, a conservative radio talk show host, called for a Chick-fil-A® Appreciation Day and thousands of loyal customers went to their local restaurants to show their support of their stance.  Then yesterday gay rights activists called for a Kiss-In where same sex couples would go to their local Chick-fil-A® restaurant and kiss their partner in front of the establishment to voice their protest.  While the appreciation day garnered more support in numbers of people visiting the restaurants both days saw protesters from both sides yelling slogans and slurs at one another.
I am Christian but I am not opposed to gay marriage being legalized.  What bothers me is the self-righteous, hateful way many Christians approach the issue.  When the Christian community has a zero percent divorce rate and a one hundred percent fidelity to one’s spouse and children then I might be able to accept their criticism of a different style of living.  As it is, we vilify the LGBT community as being those responsible for the breakdown of “family values” while, in my opinion, our own hypocritical way of living is the primary reason for the breakdown of the moral fabric of our society.  My reading today includes 1 Peter 5:5, “All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, ‘God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.’”  We, in the Christian community have forgotten about humility and have clothed ourselves with pride.  According to Peter, this puts us at odds with God.
We need to heed Peter’s advice in 1 Peter 2:15-16, “But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord.  Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.  But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.”  I believe we in the Christian community have forgotten about revering Christ in our daily lives and we have certainly ignored the part about gentleness and respect.  The Christian community would do well to get off its moral high horse and start to live as God has commanded us to live, in unity with one another and with love for our neighbor.  If we started living that way people’s criticism of Christianity would have no basis and our “lifestyle” would be attractive rather than hypocritical.

Friday, August 3, 2012

Drought and Doubt


Friday 8/3/2012 8:32 AM
This past week has been a busy one.  It was the final week of summer school complete with final exams to be written and corrected and final grades to be assigned.  There is a drought that has gripped the majority of the country and crops are dying, threatening people’s livelihood and the economy in general.  I began using a CPAP machine that has resulted in sleepless nights as I adjust to having a mask on my face all night long.  Today is also my anniversary and I am celebrating thirty-four years of marriage to God’s gift to me, Jaci.
For nearly three months now my devotional life has been extremely dry, so much so that I have only had my quiet time twice in the last three weeks.  My assigned psalm for the week is Psalm 63 and the opening verse is an appropriate one.  “You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water.”  The dry and parched land part are certainly true but I guess I haven’t been earnestly seeking God or thirsting for him.  Otherwise I would probably have opened my Bible to see what he would say.
Verse 6 reminds me of my sleepless nights.  “On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night.”  I have been spending some of my waking time praying for those in need, Emily in the Dominican Republic, my neighbor, Manuel, who is in critical condition following a motorcycle accident, my pastor who is currently on sabbatical, Andy and Jessica as they adjust to their latest child, Crew, the victims of the shooting rampage in Aurora, Colorado, my students, who so often have extenuating circumstances in their lives that preclude them from learning effectively, and so on.
Verses 7-8 read, “Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.  I cling to you; your right hand upholds me.”  I definitely feel as if I am in the shadows lately.  The image of being in the shadow of God’s wings is comforting to me.  I’m also quite certain that I am not so much clinging to God as he is clinging to me, upholding me in this time of drought and doubt.